


In Your Mind

by jjournal



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, References to Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjournal/pseuds/jjournal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this is all a retelling from Tony's point of view. He's hurt and of course his memory doesn't coincide 100% with what really happened- no one's memory does, but this one's especially traumatic to him so it's a bit out of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Your Mind

He’d remember one last time because it wouldn’t hurt after. 

\----

He powered up and directed his flight against another burst of wind from his left. The dark hole in the middle of the dessert wasn’t getting any bigger, thank fully – but it wasn’t getting any smaller either. Gray was mixing in with the black to create a swirl. 

“I’m assuming that whatever Thor is doing is working?” He asked, still trying to get his bearings around the wind. 

“Yes.” Captain America replied tersely, there was some shuffling in the background. 

He pushed to move himself upwards and scanned the nearby land for red, blue, and white. 

“JAR---“ He spotted him and Thor, standing on what seemed like a still Quinjet. Thor was preoccupied with the hammer, looking as though it was a great difficulty to keep it up right. Strange colors were being emitted in sparks around it. Steve looked more serious than he usually did. 

Which was saying something. 

“Hey, if you guys need a hand---“ 

“ _NO_. Go back to your station Iron Man.” Captain America was quick to respond. 

He raised both eyebrows but that just made the sweat on his forehead trickle down faster and tickle his face annoyingly. 

“Whatever, Boss. Just know that I’m not going to be on your side if you decide to pick Titanic for movie night again.” 

Usually, a comment like that would get him at least a chuckle from Clint but the coms were silent. It didn’t sit right with him but everyone else were still green dots on the side of his screen. 

He decided that he wasn’t going to back to his station, instead, he kept watch from a distance so that he could go to his station at a moment’s notice... or to the Quinjet. 

Thor and Steve looked to be arguing and then Thor nodded, hands still on the hammer. Steve nodded too, but it was jerky, mechanical, he patted Thor on the back, looked down at the hole, “Tony.” 

“Steve?” He didn’t understand. 

“I have to.” 

“I don’t get it.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you so so much.” 

“Steve.”

There must have been a time stamp on it. There must have been, because he didn’t wait for more. And Tony couldn’t get there fast enough, nothing could get there fast enough when it disappeared to the ground, both him and the Quinjet crashing into the sand like it were an ocean. 

And he couldn’t have heard it because he had the mask on, but the whistling of the wind lingered in his ears from when he’d seen Steve take the plunge. 

\-----

He took a step towards the open window and breathed in a sharp breath of cold air that stung him going in. 

“Tony.” 

If there were more words to be said, he didn’t want to hear them. He looked down at the gold band on his finger and started working it off. It had grown tighter somehow so he struggled to twist it off. It chaffed at the skin enough to redden the area before slipping off. 

“You need to understand.” Steve put a hand on his shoulder and he shook it off and glared at him. The ring fell to the floor without a sound but it might as well have been a siren with the way Steve tracked it to the ground with his eyes, hand in mid air from where Tony had shaken him away. 

“I don’t need to do anything. You’re the one who needs to understand because clearly, there’s been some disconnect going on.” He was breathing in hard and fast now, working himself up. “Because the last time I checked, the last time I _checked_ , you were the one who stood by me at the alter. You were the one who promised- “ His voice cracked, “You were the one who promised to be there always.” 

Steve’s eyes watched him but he didn’t reply.

Tony wiped angrily at the tears trailing down his cheeks, “You know…” 

“Don’t say it.” Steve begged. 

He ignored him, “You know that I’m worth nothing if not by your side. “ 

“Tony.” Steve looked sad but Tony’s wasn’t feeling remorseful, he wasn’t feeling and he won’t feel. He can’t. 

He moved to sit on the ledge and let his legs dangle, feet covering large parts of the ground below. There was no one there, not this late, not this dark. A humorless laugh escaped his lips and he turned his head to look at Steve one last time, “You jump I jump, remember?” 

But there was no one there to reply. And no one but him to hear the wind whistle as he fell.


End file.
